Kwot of the Kwak to the Krak #7 : the chase

"i will not run nor will i hide..i am here.."

-nur-

Al-Fatihah buat arwah tok wan chik..

Jam hampir 4petang..tiba-tiba hp berbunyi..no ofis yang tak save tapi macam bleh agak dari sapa..dengar suara yg terlalu familiar..

"Hello, syitah! syitah!"

"Ha...yaa..ya..."

"syitah..syitah..!" sangkanya aku tidak dengar..

"yaa..haha..awat k.bby?"

aku terasa lucu pulak asyik ulang2 panggil namaku..

tapi tiba-tiba terdengar esakan dalam corong sebelah sana..

"pasaipa ni??" aku mula gelisah..

"syitah, tok km baru meninggal..bleh tak syitah mai amek km?"..

aku tanpa pikir panjang.."hah? yaka?? ok2..satgi km sampai.."

aku yang tak semena-mena, terus pucat lesi..terus seram sejuk satu badan..terasa menggigil..blank sekejap..

bukan apa, sebab aku tau mcm mana sayangnya dan rapat dia dengan tok..dan aku tau dia perlukan aku masa nie...

terus aku pack2 barang..aku jumpa dengan kawan2 kerja..bahagi tugas aku..nasib baik mereka memahami..jumpa isteri bos..bagitau yg tok sedara aku meninggal..aku harus pergi..isteri bos yang baik ati pun capai tangan aku dan ucap takziah..katanya dia pergi ke tempat yg lebih baik..kalau sakit, akhirnya penderitaan dia telah berakhir..aku terasa berat sangat mata masa tu...tak tahu keadaan situasi sebenar tapi aku tau tok sakit sbelum ni..apa keadaan sekarang tak pasti..terasa nak menitik air mata..menggigil tangan aku..aku dapat rasa kepanasan tangan dia..betapa sejuknya tangan aku masa tu..terus aku capai beg tangan dan jumpa bos untuk maklumkan berita aku..dia benarkan..

aku terus menjemput k.bby dari tempat kerja..dari jauh aku dapat lihat mukanya merah kerana menahan tangis..

masuk dalam kereta, dia pandang aku..aku dapat rasakan dia ingin lepaskan perasaan..aku genggam tangan dia..dan terhamburlah esakan yang tak terbendung..aku pun tak sanggup melihat..sama-sama bergenang air mata..10minit dalam tangisan yang bernada sepi........

panggilan dan sms di hp berbunyi..masing-masing sedang cuba menghubungi sanak saudara yg jauh.. tiba-tiba teringat yang paling jauh...boy..dh banyak kali cuba dapatkan dia, tapi gagal..semua sedia maklum bahawa mesti susah nak panggil dia..dia yg jauh di negara orang, dalam perantauan..hanya nasib dapat menghubungi dia..aku hanya minta sekurang-kurangnya sms dia..kalau dia terima, dia boleh cuba berdoa dari sana..mungkin dia akan terkejut dan sedih sebab tak dapat pulang, tapi sekurang-kurangnya dia boleh berdoa dari sana..daripada dia tidak tahu apa-apa sehingga dia pulang, mungkin ketika itu dia akan lebih kecewa dan sedih..

setibanya kami di rumah tok..sekujur tubuh berlitup menyambut kami..terasa sebak melihat tubuh itu..kami melangkah dengan sayu..menyambut tangan yang dihulur menyambut kedatangan kami..hanya ada beberapa orang saja.. menunjukkan arwah baru saja pergi..k.long, mama, caca, mami, dan 2-3 jiran tetangga ada bersama.. aku tak berani mendekati arwah lagi..sementalahan tidak mahu mengganggu saudara mara yang sedang berkabung di situ..aku duduk di sebelah k.long sambil berdoa dalam hati..sedekahkan al-fatihah dan bertanyakan khabar arwah yang baru pergi..alhamdulillah, pemergiannya dipermudahkan Allah..dalam keadaan sihat, sedang beristirehat bersama anak cucu menonton tv..tiba-tiba saja terdiam dan pergi dalam pangkuan anaknya, mami..tiada tanda mahu pergi..tapi panggilan telefon tengah hari kepada caca mengatakan dia bermimpi kawan baiknya sedang panggil dia..memberi tanda dia sudah tidak lama..tambah pula mama yang tiba-tiba tergerak hati mahu membaca yassin selepas subuh pagi tadi untuk bonda tercinta agar disembuhkan sakitnya yang lama ditanggungnya..ajal maut, Allah Subhanahu wata'ala yang lebih mengetahui..petang itu, Allah hilangkan sakitnya dengan menjemputnya kembali ke sisi Illahi...innalillahi wa innailaihirajiun..

azan asar berkumandang..kelihatan mama bergegas untuk solat asar..aku tahu, dia sedang menyimpan sedihnya..dan ingin mengadu kepada Yang Esa..aku perhatikan tingkahnya..lincah seperti biasa..di ruang solat..kelihatan dia bersolat..dan sesudahnya berdoa..aku dapat lihat dari jauh kelibatnya seperti sedang menangis..terkejut dengan pemergian bondanya..dia bangun untuk teruskan solat sunat..aku kagum..kemudian dia kembali bersama tetamu..lincah seperti biasa..menguruskan tetamu...aku, k.bby dan ira menyusul untuk bersolat..seusai solat, kami membuat bulatan untuk membaca surah yasin..pertengahan bacaan kami dimaklumkan tok akan dibawa ke surau rumah di tingkat bawah..aku dan ira meneruskan bacaan..k.bby keluar untuk membantu..kemudian, kami semua turun ke surau..meneruskan bacaan..kelibat ahli keluarga yang lain mula kelihatan..tetangga sudah ramai menziarahi keluarga..bacaan yasin diteruskan..

aku kekok dengan suasana yang tidak ku kenali..tp mengutamakan arwah..itu yang menghilangkan perasaan kekok...entah kenapa, setiap kali terpandang wajahnya, aku sebak..mengingatkan aku pada kematian yang tidak mengenal erti masa..aku rasa tenang melihat wajah tok.. kelihatan sangat bersih..masih kemerahan walaupun sudah 2 jam berlalu..sangat tenang, seperti dalam tidur.. mungkin itulah penyebab hatiku yang semakin keras dek dunia tak dapat menolak peringatan yang Allah ingin tunjukkan..aku terimbas siapa diriku ini dan sanak saudaraku..siapakah selepas ini?..itu seorang perempuan..seorang ibu..seorang nenek..dan ini keluarganya...di manakah aku nanti? dalam keadaan apakah masa aku nanti..? ya Allah, aku takut ya Allah... aku terkenang tanggungjawab aku kepada keluarga aku tidak begitu baik kebelakangan ini..dek ingin memajukan diri, keluarga aku ketepikan sebentar..sekali sekala bertanyakan khabar..seandainya pergi salah seorang, mampukah aku tebus masa-masa yang tak terluang? ya Allah..kenapa dengan aku....

jam hampir menunjukkan 7.15pm..km bertiga membuat keputusan untuk pulang ke rumah untuk membersihkan diri kerana dari pejabat..selepas maghrib akan kembali..tapi dek kelewatan di jalan raya, kami tiba selepas isyak.. sekembalinya kami, kelihatan jemaah isyak baru selesai berdoa..kami ke dalam untuk menyertai tahlil arwah kumpulan wanita..kemudian duduk di tepi meneruskan yassin yang tidak putus-putus untuk arwah tok..jam hampir pukul 10.30pm..kami diminta ke atas rumah mami untuk bersama-sama mengisi perut yang kosong..ayah membeli bihun singapore dan burger untuk jamu..kasihan mama, dia berpuasa..baru dapat menjamah makanan..namun sempat juga mama hidangkan aku white coffee kegemaran tok untuk aku.. aku berkongsi dengan k.bby dan ira..semuanya seperti hanya makan untuk mengalas perut..tiada selera.. sambil makan, bercerita tentang kenangan bersama arwah..betapa semua tidak menyangka pemergian arwah.. arwah dirindui.....

aku bertanya tentang cubaan mendapatkan boy..ira kata ayah sedang cuba..entah dapat entah tidak..k.bby kata mama suruh dibiarkan dahulu.. nanti saja diberitahu..takut mengganggu..aku seperti ingin menghubungi dia sendiri..tapi aku rasa biarlah ayah atau mama atau kakaknya saja yang mengkhabarkan berita ini..itu lebih adil..berita sebegini..tp mungkin aku boleh cuba..sekadar sms..untuk dia menghubungi rumah sekiranya dengan kiriman sms aku dapat menghubunginya..cubaan sms telah dihantar pada jam 1am..status 'delivered'..Ya Allah, dengan izinmu Ya Allah, sekiranya dengan kiriman sms aku itu dapat menghubungkan dia kepada keluarganya, syukur alhamdulillah..semoga dia dapat menunaikan tanggungjawabnya sebagai anak dan cucu yang soleh..

aku harap semuanya berjalan dengan baik mlm nie untuk keluarga k.bby..aku pasti ramai yang masih terkejut, dan ramai akan menemani tok di malam terakhirnya di atas bumi..

aku di rumah...

esok pagi akan menyusul sekali lagi di rumah tok sebelum dia berangkat ke sisi suami dan anaknya..

kemudian ke ortho untuk pemakaian bracing..masih gerun dengan ingatan pemakaian braces..hmmm...

Ya Allah, semoga roh tok wan chik dalam peliharaanMu..semoga kau ampuni dosa-dosanya..semoga ditempatkan bersama orang -orang beriman dan beramal soleh solehah..permudahkanlah urusan barzakh..sesungguhnya tok wan chik adalah antara hamba-hambamu yang beriman,baik hati, penyayang dan beramal solehah..selamatkanlah beliau..amin...

akhirnya berjumpa juga..

hati nur berbunga2~ huhu..

semalam nur dah jumpa mama..tak sangka nur akan jumpa mama lebih awal..ye la, nak tak nak ritu time nak amek akak sbb kitorg nak gi parti bbq kat batu ferringi yang diorang buat, mama ada kat bawah..mama nak gi kelas agama ngan mami..dia sampai kluar keta nak jenguk nur..pastu semalam akak dah gtau mama nak gi kenduri ngan nur..then bila nk antarkan makanan kat kaklong, akak ajak nek atas umah..nur tak nak sgt2 sebab segan..tp dia paksa..katanya ayah takde..jd ngan debar2 mcm nak luruh jantung je rasa..tgn seram sejuk segala..ikut la jugak gi nek umah..so pertemuan pertama ngan mama pun berlaku..nur salam ngan mama..mama nampak sangat lincah..dia tgh nak siap2 nak kluar..masa tu, Tuhan saja yang tau mcm mana nervesnye nur..tp still cover2 lg..then balik dr antar makanan ngan akak kat kaklong, nur antar akak balik..masa tu mama ada kat bwh tengah tunggu ayah..jadi sekali lg jumpa mama..tp masa tu nur just drop akak..jadi nur pun lambai je tangan..mama pun senyum lebar je ngan nur sambil lambai tgn..rasa seronok sangat ati nie sbb akhirnya dh jumpa mama..

dan rini..tadi nur kluar ngan akak nk gi batu feringgi lagi untuk celebrate besday kawan akak n nur.. nur dpt cerita..mami n mama sukaaa sgt nur..huhu..mama siap sokong lagi..kalau dengan yg sorang lg tu.. dia pun tak suka...bila dengar cerita ni, bertambah rasa yakin dalam hati...Tuhan sentiasa tunjukkan jalan untuk nur dapatkan ketenangan..syukur alhamdulillah..semoga semua baik-baik saja nanti..=)

nur harap semuanya berjalan lancar untuk awak di sana..hari ni dah genap 1 bulan 22 hari awak pergi..dah lama kami di sini tak dengar khabar awak..semua orang rindukan awak..awak sihat ke? nur tahu sana sejuk..awak tak tahan sejuk..cepat selsema mcm nur..jaga kesihatan awak..nur harap nanti bila awak balik, kita boleh sembang macam2..banyak sangat cerita nur nak cerita..awak pun mesti banyak sangat cerita nak cerita..tak sabar nak tau cerita2 tu..=)

Kwot of the Kwak to the Krak #6 : Muka Palsu

"jangan bermuka-muka..jadilah satu muka..susah kalau tersilap pasang muka dengan orang yang selalu kita bermuka..orang pun masih bermata untuk melihat muka yang takde jiwa.."

-nur-

a week of stories..

this week was hectic..exhausting..there was soo many job..i had to cover jobs of others and that was filthy tiring..adding to that was more job from my bos and the last minute work..i hate when customer rush us to do things and then scold us for being late..we are doing our best to do for them but sometime a nice tone would be much appreciate because we are not doing one job at time..there are walk-in customer, online orders..so, please be more respectful and considerate..everybody want fast and good work..and so do we..but if at the end we were scold for something that maybe wasn't our fault, that is rude..sometime i wonder why people must say something bad to others? why can't they say in a manner way? as if being nice is bad and being rude and rough is good..i hate that..i mean, i personally will not treat people with such bad attitude..and they aspect by doing that, they will be heard louder than others? i'm telling u, it's a low low low shallow mindset..

well, what i want to share here is..i have been working on this design for this company..they are currently is working on an event project they have..and my contribution..or my role in this project is to be the designer for all the A&P of the event..such cool job! i know this is a bit risky job, but it is an opportunity for me and my company to shine..my company name will be credited, if the event went on this June, and will be mentioned in their website, media...imagine how this can boost my company! i know this is huge..and i must say, it is tiring because i had to work in the morning, and at night i need to think for this event thing and others order..it just eating myself...and i dont want to get so excited about it yet..my friend advice me to be careful and not too excited about it, in case if the event got problems and cannot generate income for me..she is right..and so i save the excitement till the right time..

ok, about my dream: having my bracing on..today i went back to my dentist again..it's been 3 times in 3 weeks (every saturday appointment)..but today no teeth got pulled out..*thank God!*..today i only went for scaling..so i have a clean, nice white teeth...teeeheeee...(i wish i can show u my big smiles..hehe)..and my bracing is going up this 11 March!!! Owh, i'm soo excited about it! i have planned to apply leave on that day.. it's Friday..my colleague told me to just send a text message on that day saying i was sick and cannot make it for the day..she is going to apply the leave so that she can come along and see how they put it on me..she is also wearing braces, but she didnt got the chance to see how they place it..so that day she was planning to see it and tell me how it will look like..hahaha..so scaring! hmm..i wonder if they allow us to take video..so i can see it later...ahaks! 

after seeing my dentist, i went to maxis..i stop by to ask about their blackberry plan..it turn out to be different from what i heard in Kedah..and different from my friend's friend in KL..i was turn down by the attendance, so i said i will come back again..yeah! like i would! huhu..maybe i change to celcom because of frustration.. haha..=p then i stop by at carwash, had my car cleaned..called my friend and told about the maxis drama..and she cool me down by telling me she would ask her friend to see if she can help up us here..hehe..that was good news~ 

then i got a text message from one of my client from my office..she wants to meet up at Queensbay Mall at 3.30pm.so at 3.00pm i drove there..it was really hot outside..even when i get inside the mall, it was not so cooling..i meet Ms Liu at Old Town..she is working with this financial planning firm..it is a one stop solution for finance.. they will advice you on everything relating to your financing..be it on investment, saving, insurance / protection, or your accounts matter..i find this is very necessary..to some, they may see it as another insurance agent, selling policies..but it is not..from my understanding, she is here to educate me about finance..educate me to have control on my wealth..to mange well my money..to do saving..to do investment that will make my money grow..and so on..she is not telling me to take whatever product she have..no..she ask me what is my budget that i can commit monthly to save...what is my dream..where i want to go from here..from there she will help me to invest on safe investment..and at the same time doing saving..not many sees this as a good thing..

i'm telling you, i don't generate much montly..and i dont have saving..it's true! but i start to realize how important this is before i meet her..and when she told me this, i praise Lord..it is like He is helping me..i need someone to advice me on finance and here is Ms Liu..some more she is a chinese..chinese is well known about their wealth management..they take money and future seriously..they know how to generate fortune..and coming from them these advices, really really feeling secured in a way..we talk for 3 hours..i have met insurance agent..i have talk with direct selling people..but this is nothing like them..i don't know if this is another scam..but i know the manager and her..they are nice people..the manager has CFP (Certified Financial Planner) and she is on her way..the manager himself has come to me the other day, and treat me lunch and have give me the idea about the whole thing about financial planner job..the good thing is they are not charging me consultant fees..so i got free consultant, whenever i want to ask or to have their advice on how or what should i do when i have financial problem, i can just make a call to them..so great right?! Ms Liu have been giving me sooo many advices about life and business..i really need this kind of motivation..she told me how to spent well and wise, to always stay positive, mix around and talk business and success..so it was refreshing for me..she also told me that she already spread the words about my talent and business..she is setting up her own business which is a restaurant..she said she want me to do all the designs for her..so i was very please..it was a good meeting..really really worth of spending those hours..=)

then after the meeting, i refresh myself..then walk around the mall to look for something to wear tomorrow.. i was invited to a beach bbq party by my friend's sister..at first, it was not my intention to go at all because i dont know most of the people and there are people who i dont want to meet..but when she told me she is celebrating her sister's birthday..i cannot refuse it because her sister is very close to me..so i need something to wear tomorrow..i need to show the person i dont want to meet who i really am..she never know me in life.. so she think she has everything in the world and can do anything she like..well girl, heads up..i hope when we finally meet, u will change ur mind on one thing..and hopefully, it keeps u away from being such an annoying, desperate looking person..well, actually i dont want to do that..it will make me look ridiculous..but i will go there as myself..and she will see what others see about me..when she knows me, i think she will stop whatever she is doing..*hopefully*..so i got myself this nice blue and white stripe shirt..it was very sweet..the material was very light and not so fitty..i find it very nice for hot sunny beach wear..it's been a long time since i when to the beach..and for nice friendly picnic..so hope it will turn out to be very fun and nice..i also bought a nice accessory with that..a heart shape locket with a long necklace for only rm20 at forever 21..so, i feel happy for today..it's been a while since i last shop clothes and accessory for myself..=)

can't wait for tomorrow!

Kwot of the Kwak to the Krek #5: fashion

"as a kid, i hate fashion. i don't know what is fashion. all i see is 'open' and 'airy' here and there and that's not right. to me my mom sense of dressing us is the coolest outfit we have. she love mix and match. and i love being different. we rare do shopping clothes at mall. she will make for us. then i enter my university. i got to know fashion. and then i realize that is what i've been loving from the day i say i hate fashion."

-masisnur-

it take hurts to know happiness..

yesterday was a full day of sensation..there was mix of emotions...happy, excited, thrill, sad, disappointment, tired,  anxious and worried, and self-redemption moment..one time is soo happy, next thing i know i was crying so bad in bed..hmmm..

well, in the morning, i went to shangrila rasa sayang hotel in batu feringgi with my dad, visiting my former boss who is here in penang for a week of resting..at the same time, meeting with one of my former colleague on our packaging project there..it was for a fitness gym in Alor Setar and we are doing fitness drinking water..they are holding an event this coming 25th but when we talk to our manufacturer, the packaging cannot be ready by that date..so we still be having our initial packaging design idea, coz it will be use as marketing branding tool for them but for that event only, i has suggest something more practical and time wise solution which was agreed by all of them who was there..so instead of one project, i got two..ahaks! i must say i was pretty happy of my negotiation skill~ teeheeeee...from my experience dealing with people, i need to firm my standing as a designer and a business-lady..i need them to pay me.. usually this is what happen when you are in service business..people tend to take your service first and pay later..and that 'later' can be anytime they feel liking to pay..and this is not to happen again..so i told them i'll be sending them my quotation and some forms and contract for them to fill.. in this way, i can be assure with their words..

after 2 hours of meeting, we leave the place and head home..after changing my attire, i went straight downstairs to have my lunch and watch tele..i saw my hero (aamir khan) on the screen! and definitely i stayed to watch..it was called taare zameen par...i only watch halfway but i can understand what the storyline is...and as usual, his movie never never never dissapoint me..i cry, touch, move by emotions, and it was a good feeling, so far... i told myself, i will watch the whole movie, either on youtube or get the dvd..

then, after done with that..i rush back upstairs to my room..and i got text messages on my phone..it was from a friend of mine..the one who ruined my day (if you followed me on my previous post, u will know)..and thanks to her, i was hurt again..then i start to remember the real her..so i said to myself, she is a scumbag..ditch her!.. so because of frustration, i wrote my previous post (i have to let loose my anger somehow)..and then i took my medicine and was sleepy..i went to sleep and her story was over..

but then i woke up to a strange feeling..coz i have this weird dream..and my feeling, i just cannot tell..it was fill with worries and excited at the same time..i dream of the one i want to see for such a long time..the person was holding my hand and was asking me to be strong and patient with whatever that comes in my way...the hand grip was so strong..that i can feel it touching my skin for real..! the eyes was showing affections that i had long dream to see...the minute i realize, tears was coming down my cheek..my heart is beating faster.. i know then, i was missing the person in my dream..it has been 4 times in this 2 weeks..i dunno why..i just got up and pray for this person safety..Ya Allah, protect my dear one..i may be fooled by satan for my feeling but this is rare to see..give your love and bless to my dear friend of mine for this person is in your search journey..

becoz of sudden wake up, i cannot go back to sleep..so i went in front of my lappy and was browsing the net for inspirations..but i cannot stop thinking about my dream..when i keep thinking of the person, my eyes get wet..then i realize, the text message i receive today..i remember the last time i was hurt by her, this person is the one who advised me to stay away from her..and today, without presence, the advice is still heard..in my dreams!! i say my istighfar and then say my syukur..i was smiling again then..it does sound weird and strange and it's like in movie or drama normally..but it's true! i dunno why..somehow i feel like this person always be there for me when i need somebody..then, the memory lane start floating in my head...dang i miss this person!

hmm...so to let my mind and my eyes clear, i need to do something..then i remember taare zameen par!! off to search on youtube for the movie to watch..next thing i know the clock is 2.30am when the movie finish..so, i say my prayer again and nite2...hmm..wat a day..wat a memory lane..syukur alhamdulillah ya Allah..